just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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