Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
