i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
