i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
