i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize