she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
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I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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