You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
