I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
