I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
