I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
