How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
