its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize