The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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