When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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