I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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