What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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