Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
