i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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