you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
