i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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