Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
