So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
