Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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