at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
