Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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