you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
