38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
