OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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