Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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