dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
