She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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