Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
