I faked an abortion last night.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
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I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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