Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
