Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
