i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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