never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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