I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
