How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Holy shit dude........stairs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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