Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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