Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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