two words...techno handjob
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
