I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You took a bar mat shot.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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