I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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