She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she smelled like a LAN party
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
