I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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