Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
