Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
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I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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