he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
