There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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