Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
