If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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