i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
