By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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