If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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