Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
