my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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