I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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