I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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