I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
