you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
