I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
