i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
