Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You are the jesus of drinking
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
