they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
