oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
