Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
