I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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