so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
